Some mornings, it’s too quiet around here. Once Rob leaves for the day and Emmerich goes down for his nap, I’ll sometimes sit on the couch and catch a few moments to myself before I either start working or attack the dishes in the sink. It’s in those moments that it hits me the most that Dax is gone.
Back in July, I found a few lumps on Dax’s throat. A couple of vet visits told us what I didn’t want to hear. Dax had cancer, lymphoma to be specific. We tried chemotherapy for many weeks, and it did seem to help. He didn’t have as much energy as before, but at least we could cuddle and enjoy walks together still. A few days before Halloween, Dax let us know it was time. We put him to sleep in the comfort of our living room, so I could hold him and he wouldn’t be stressed out. After he was gone, I went to sit in the car and sob, where I could cry as hard as I needed to without waking up the baby.
I think I’ve been gone from this space for so long because I knew I’d have to write about this, and I wasn’t sure how to do that yet. Every time I’d sit down to write, about anything at all, my brain would stop the words. I can’t even type this out without crying. I miss him so much, and it’s hard that Emmerich does too. When he hears a dog barking outside, he immediately gets excited and exclaims, “Dah-daw!”, his version of “Dax dog”. When you tell him it’s not Dax, he cries. I didn’t expect Em to remember him so well or to miss him so much.
It does help to have such an active and adventurous little love to help me smile every day. Emmerich turned a year old in November, and he loved his cake!
I spend a lot of my days taking care of Em, but now we have a wonderful nanny who comes a few times a week so that I can get more work done. I have been working a lot, doing technical editing jobs and writing and sewing for a new secret adventure that I will be able to tell you about in a few more weeks.
I do want to share some of what I’ve been making. It hasn’t all been for work, some of it has actually been for me! There have been 3 Linden sweatshirts, 2 Morris Blazers, 1 Lark (I love Grainline Studio, can you tell?), 2 knit hats, 20 different dresses/shirts/skirts/pants for different jobs, 1 wedding capelet, 3 Christmas stockings, 1 quilt and several other in-process items. Yowza!
I honestly haven’t had a chance to wear my Morris Blazer yet. I had thought I would wear it to the symphony recently, but then I was cold and wore a sweater instead. I made the blazer longer by 2″ because I think that will look better on my frame, but for my next one, I think I’ll keep it short.
Also- gray? Ugh. I have got to buy more COLOR! Going through my closet recently, I decided I am banned from buying any more gray. That’s going to be a challenge for me!
My navy Linden (made out of a Pendleton fabric I’ve had for a good year and half) is deliciously soft. The French terry fabric does tend to grow a bit during the day though. I made a second one of these for my Mom, but I didn’t have much fabric and had to put 3/4 length sleeves on hers. It turned out really cute!
Of course a made a gray one- ha! This is a double knit from Mill End, which was super soft when I bought it. Within 2 wears and one wash, it is completely pilled. It’s relegated to my “wear around the house only” rotation. Guess I’ll just have to buy some more French Terry from Hellgate Fabrics and make another one!
I found this navy sweater knit with a faux cable at Mill End too (I love that place, can you tell) and made a Lark. It was the last of the bolt, so I got a really good deal on it. I like the shirt itself, but this fabric is pretty itchy. I don’t see me wearing it very much, if at all, because of that.
I have knit two little hats for Emmerich. Baby hats are great projects for using up bits of leftover stash yarn. I made him a little yellow one from some cotton I had on hand, and then this burgundy one out of baby alpaca to match my own Jul hat. 
Yep- I’m that mom! On one of our Fabric Depot trips, I hadn’t noticed that Em and I had on similar sweaters, navy pants and our matching hats. A little girl checked us over carefully, and then exclaimed, “You guys match!” I had to laugh, because I hadn’t done that on purpose! Pretty soon I do hope to make he and Rob matching flannel plaid shirts though. That’s pretty high on my sewing priority list!
One of my fun work projects that I can share is this vintage inspired wedding capelet for a winter bride. It is lined with a navy satin and has a very sparkly diamond clasp at the neck. I don’t mind working with faux fur because I know the tricks to use to make sure it doesn’t shed too much. I’m happy to say the bride loves it!
One super fun project I snuck in was making Christmas stockings. I told myself that it was okay to buy them, I had enough on my plate already. But then I saw this buffalo plaid and faux fur at Joanns and the next thing I knew I was cutting them out. I’m really happy I made them. I finally have stockings in the colors and fabrics that I want! Plus, I love that Em will use something that I made for him every year. Watching him pull toys out of his stocking was really fun!
It feels so wonderful to write again. I think it will help me with the loss of my dear Dax, and I have many more ideas for tutorials and projects that I’d like to share with you soon.
